CHICKS DIG WAR

Story time: Trojan Oil War (part 2)
The Trojan War, chicks dig it
and such hits as "Chicks Dig War,"
"Wizards Have Landed on my Face,"
"God Made Girls Who Like War,"
and "Colin Powell's the Lay of the Land."

More women than men are enjoying the war
with two-fisted truth
before changing clothes
by portraying war as
chicks digging the phones of war.

Phallocentric chicks:
they dig guys with big wars.
I just cannot, you know, believe in a war
against chicks when they've got the anti-chick war
thing goin' on.
The women will be like "Ooh, what a cute war!"

Your mission, captain, is complete:
enjoy the spoils of war.
It's so romantic.
chicks dig war (especially chicks on the pill).
The experience is just magical.
Oh, and you can get a really awesome war on.
Chicks like a nice war.

Women are excellent teachers
of the bitter lesson that being
anti-war does not get a man laid.
An "anti-war" guy (who is often the one most capable
of love and trust) is routinely brushed off
as a "pacifist," and passed over

for an abusive jerk who starts a war.
The pacifist wanders through life in a state
of psychic castration,
his heart scarred by the talons of female avarice
and flawed psychology. He is a poor fool who has
listened too literally
to the women who lie and say that what they want
V from men is adoration and understanding.
What they want is war.

He has not suffered enough trial and error
to lay bare the clandestine agendas
of the female gender: war.
War makes you a woman.
Chicks dig war. Military
service is the only true expression of war.
Also chicks dig it.
Our new run-on joke seems to
revolve around communism, women, Stalin,
and references to the old Soviet Union
during the height of the Cold War:
chicks dig a Hot War.

But what of the "war boy" phenomenon?
Every man knows, or has seen in action,
that the more wars he starts,
the more successful he will be in attracting women,
and the more peaceful he is,
the more likely he will wind up as a "pacifist."
But most men are socialized to cultivate harmony,
not discord, and so they refuse to participate
in such pathology.
Most men are pacifists, who have no interest in war.

What a woman really wants is a war-mongering Republican
who turns out in the end to be a pacifist (to her).
He is the storybook hero of her novels and evening news.
But she will settle - for the short term, at least -
for a sociopathic oil billionaire
who can offer her a war.
In her muddled vision of the world,
she equates war with femininity
because she assumes that television
and the movies actually mirror reality, so that
successful men are always warmongering monsters.

Bad boy are dull, tamed, safe
and charged with sexuality.
They are a challenge (meaning that
they don't instantly fall prey to her Pussy Power).
Flexing their Neanderthal biceps,
these women are apt to drag him
off to the Pentagon
where she can feel - for once -
powerless in her own grip,
a war fantasy come to life.
A woman's hormone-driven "logic"
will equate power with war.
She glories in the sensation of raw war.
It is the same thrill which ripples
through her sofa when a warmongering boy
pampers her and indulges her every whim.
For as long as she dallies with the war boy -
and it will be brief because her
budget is in her Trilateral Commission -
she can afford to let herself be wild,
to experience unfettered humanity,
to freely express her sexuality as
nature intended - through war.
For a few racing heartbeats
she will become an individual
and a human being.

Believe that male behavior is the result
of a breeding experiment run by females?
In case you missed it,
the basic implication is that by following
their natural proclivity to breed with
John Ashcroft
women are an anti-civilizing force,
actively creating more male aggressiveness.
It would seem that a wise society would have an
interest in creating a counter-force to oppose this.

- Drew Gardner